I hope finally for good. Ladies, this has been a very trying time for me, alot of changes going on in and around me and I have felt a bit out of sync and a bit overwhelmed. Days filled with sadness and gloom.
I decided to share this with you because I need to be accountable for this feeling that I have been denying for way to long. Over the course of the last two months I have come to realize that I do suffer from depression and these feelings of inadequacy as a mother, wife have to stop, among other areas.
I get so "down" on myself and regardless of all the sweet gestures made toward me, I don't feel them. I hope some of you can relate to this, and can offer some words or guidance to me. My poor sweet hubby has tried to express this to me, but I would “cut” him off because I didn’t want to believe I suffered from this. Not another flaw, not another character defect. Is is situational or permanent? How can you tell? How do you know?
Between family, work decisions, becoming a empty nester, my life as I have known it has changed majorly over the course of a few months. All the things that made me who I was, is no more. I was always a mother, but now with all my kids on their own, and living there own lives, I don’t have that “label” anymore per se. I’m not needed like I was before. As well as a employee, since I now am at home again full time (at least for now). I don’t have that label either. I feel I have to reinvent myself and I really don’t know how…where to start?
(Using Bible gateway to research my verses)
Broken Heart- (NASB) Psalms 34:18, Proverbs 17:22
18The LORD is near to the brokenhearted
And saves those who are crushed in spirit.
22A joyful heart is good medicine,
But a broken spirit dries up the bones.
Can result from failure to confess- Psalms 32:3-4
3When I kept silent about my sin, my body wasted away
Through my groaning all day long.
4For day and night Your hand was heavy upon me;
My vitality was drained away as with the fever heat of summer. Selah.
After spending time reading all the different scriptures dealing with depression that I could find, I didn’t stop there, I went in search for more biblical teachings from women who have been there.
As I was thinking about all I have been struggling with, I was reminded again of David and his struggles. Instead of relaying it all again, Courtney at Women Living Well stated it wonderfully. (Psalms 69) Back in February she started a series of post about depression and if you struggle or have been struggling, I hope you will take a look at them.
I thank you all for being patient with me and for not given up on me and my blog….but I find myself at a crossroad in life, with alot of new adventures just over the horizon, and I don’t want to miss them, so the time has come for me to take action….so that I can live in the Joy promised by my Father.
God turns mourning into Joy – Jeremiah 31:13
13 Then maidens will dance and be glad,
young men and old as well.
I will turn their mourning into gladness;
I will give them comfort and joy instead of sorrow.