I hope finally for good. Ladies, this has been a very trying time for me, alot of changes going on in and around me and I have felt a bit out of sync and a bit overwhelmed. Days filled with sadness and gloom.
I decided to share this with you because I need to be accountable for this feeling that I have been denying for way to long. Over the course of the last two months I have come to realize that I do suffer from depression and these feelings of inadequacy as a mother, wife have to stop, among other areas.
I get so "down" on myself and regardless of all the sweet gestures made toward me, I don't feel 
them. I hope some of you can relate to this, and can offer some words or guidance to me. My poor sweet hubby has tried to express this to me, but I would “cut” him off because I didn’t want to believe I suffered from this. Not another flaw, not another character defect. Is is situational or permanent? How can you tell? How do you know?
Between family, work decisions, becoming a empty nester, my life as I have known it has changed majorly over the course of a few months. All the things that made me who I was, is no more. I was always a mother, but now with all my kids on their own, and living there own lives, I don’t have that “label” anymore per se. I’m not needed like I was before. As well as a employee, since I now am at home again full time (at least for now). I don’t have that label either. I feel I have to reinvent myself and I really don’t know how…where to start?
I know the first place to look is in God’s word to see what he says on the matter of depression, so I have picked a few verses that spoke to me.
(Using Bible gateway to research my verses)
Broken Heart- (NASB) Psalms 34:18, Proverbs 17:22
18The LORD is near to the brokenhearted
And saves those who are crushed in spirit.
22A joyful heart is good medicine,
But a broken spirit dries up the bones.
Can result from failure to confess- Psalms 32:3-4
3When I kept silent about my sin, my body wasted away
Through my groaning all day long.
4For day and night Your hand was heavy upon me;
My vitality was drained away as with the fever heat of summer. Selah.
After spending time reading all the different scriptures dealing with depression that I could find, I didn’t stop there, I went in search for more biblical teachings from women who have been there.
As I was thinking about all I have been struggling with, I was reminded again of David and his struggles. Instead of relaying it all again, Courtney at Women Living Well stated it wonderfully. (Psalms 69) Back in February she started a series of post about depression and if you struggle or have been struggling, I hope you will take a look at them.
I thank you all for being patient with me and for not given up on me and my blog….but I find myself at a crossroad in life, with alot of new adventures just over the horizon, and I don’t want to miss them, so the time has come for me to take action….so that I can live in the Joy promised by my Father.
God turns mourning into Joy – Jeremiah 31:13
13 Then maidens will dance and be glad,
young men and old as well.
I will turn their mourning into gladness;
I will give them comfort and joy instead of sorrow.
Love,
Cindy, I think depression is a lot more common than you think. I suffered with it after I had Josh and it can get out of control. The way I understand it, is if you do not address it, it can set in and get worse? I am not sure about that, just something I heard. I went to my doctor and he put me on some medication for a while. If that is not for you, maybe you can find an outlet at church where you have a sense of belonging, something to keep you busy. When I stayed home with Josh, at times I felt like I had no purpose, which is crazy. I will be praying you can find the right answer for you. ((BIG HUGS))!!
ReplyDeleteOh Cindy, I feel for you! I can't say I know what your going through, but I do know that God made you this way for a reason, some are blessed with the easy road, some aren't, those must travel without a map, but the end desination will prove to tie all the ends together and bring you to your happy place. Writing about it will not only help you but others I'm sure, maybe that is your blessing to others? Never doubt God's love! Hugs!!
ReplyDeleteCindy, my heart goes out to you, & I 'really' felt for you as I read this. I am thankful that you have come here with honesty & openess. There are so many natural things out there for depression & those 'off' feelings Cindy. Bach's Remedies work wonders - they really do. It would be well worth you time to try them. I am praying for you Cindy. A verse that has always spoke to me is Psalm 42:11 "Why art thou cast down, O my soul? and why art thou disquieted within me? hope thou in God: for I shall yet praise him, who is the health of my countenance, and my God."
ReplyDeleteHe 'is' our hope & our help, & it's a comfot that we can always go to Him. I think we lose sight of our purpose when our kids leave home & we feel we aren't 'needed' anymore. I try to keep in mind that my 'real' purpose is to bring glory to God in every area of my life. So you do have a GREAT purpose. I'm just an email away girlie. Love you!!
I have just found you blog a couple of days ago and just love looking through it. You are so very creative. I you keep up with it. I believe it would help you to blog about what is going on and allow others to confirm you and your worth. I am a suffer of depression and it was hard for me to accept as I felt as a child of God how was His love and grace in me not sufficient to make me the women I was suppose to be. So very glad to hear you like me have a very understanding and loving husband. This is very hard to understand or explain so others may not “get it” as to how hard it is for you to even understand, just let them love you.
ReplyDeleteloving you through Christ
Wanda
wanda1011@gmail.com
Cindy, my heart goes out to you sweetie, you are not alone in how you're feeling, I think as women we all go through times like this, I know I go through sad and lonely times alot and not just because I miss my family back in England, there's lots of other emotions I deal with on a daily basis too. I agree with Judy, look in to the Back Remedies, they really do help, I know I've tried them (I need to reorder some) it's amazing how much they can help your moods and your mind set. They really helped me to feel more posistive and may help you embrace the changes that you are going through. I'll be praying for you sweetie.
ReplyDeleteHugs
Denise
Cindy I am new hear to your blog... but I wanted to say... as the gals above have said ... you are not alone... this is a huge issue women are afraid to face and talk about! I struggled with it and anxiety after my son with medical issues rocked our world... off and on I feel it edging back in... medicine and God's love kept me from the pit!! =) I am currently reading Beth Moore's So Long Insecurity ... fabulous read... I needed it!!! and I hear her book Get Me Out of This Pit is amazing too! =) Blessed to have 'stumbled' upon your blog today! =)
ReplyDeleteDear Cindy, I too suffer with occasional bouts of depression. Mine have been mild, but I've had a few which lasted longer than a week. Some have been very dark.
ReplyDeleteMy sister Sharon, has it more often than I do and it is very related to empty nest syndrome. If you've not seen my sister's blog I'd like to encourage you to visit. She has posted a sign on it saying it is closed for now, but you can go back and look at her posts about empty nest and about depression.
I believe I am not as prone as you and Sharon (yet) because my kids are still here at home with me (even though I am older than Sharon).
I will be praying for you Cindy that God will help you through this time. There must be a reason for it. It seems to happen to all good moms.
I had not been blogging most of this year. I am gradually getting back into it again and I'm appreciating your blog so much. Thank you for sharing your heart. Hugs, Kathi Sharon's blog is
Rose of Sharon May you can find it along my sidebar.